I have been really "home" sick for my parents and sisters and Mindi lately, and I wish I was rich so I could travel and visit them whenever I want. I want my kids to know their cousins. I want my husband to be able to fish with his brothers. I want family dinners on Sunday night. I want sleepovers with chick flicks! I do love it here, and we have made some good friends, great friends even, but it is so hard. I feel like if I just stopped appearing (at church, on the blog, anywhere) no one would even really notice. Nothing is ever the same as people that have known you your whole life, or even who have known you BEFORE you were a Mrs. No matter how hard I try to be a good friend I still feel like a rejected 15 year old. It makes me sick to my stomach.
It is so hard to get to know people as you get older, the freeness of childhood is a bit lost, and though I have never been good at hiding my true feelings or opinions, it is still scary to just let go and be yourself there is always that fear of being judged. I think Keith and I and the kids need a vacation.
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