Before I even start I will mention a well known (by some) fact about me: I cry a lot. I cry over sad movies, sad books, memories, scary day dreams, deaths, you name it.
Last night I statyed up till about 2 to finish a book that was a little emotional and it had me crying, and for some reason got me to thinking. When did my life become one where my cousins are strangers to me? This crazy group of kids, of which I seemed to have been the annoying baby, was a part of my life at one time, and it makes me sad that I only know bits and pieces of their lives now. Granted this is partly my fault, I could call or extend the invitation to communicate, but, I get scared! It seems too much time has passed.
What is going on with my cousin Jason, the adventurous one that used to sit on my head and force me to watch Nascar? How is Holly who I know is recently married, although I sadly didn't get to go to her wedding. Or Joey (sorry about the mullet pic!) the oldest, how is his life and kids and marriage? And Greg, the smarty pants, my favorite (I feel I am old enough to admit this now!), the Doctor in the Navy(?? even which branch of the military I am not sure of), the one who would play PlayMobil toys with me, last I heard he was overseas, how I am not a part of this anymore?
Even my sister Sarah (this is what kills me most), I haven't met her husband, or seen her precious Kyra (who is going to be NINE!!) in ages. She hasn't gotten to meet my Brady and see what a sweet little guy he is. Sarah is the blood of my blood, we went through tough times together, and she understands why I am the way I am. I have shed so many tears over the memories I wish we could have shared together. I pray often that I will get to live near her, so that we can one day be a part of each others lives. We talk on the phone, but it isn't the same.
It just makes me sad that life changes. We get older and go to school, and have to move. One day we will all be reunited, and we can share our families, and children, and hopefully one day be able to feel a bit of the bond that I know was there when I was a child. Anyways, last night this all came crashing down on me and I couldn't stop it. It makes me wish I could snap my fingers and all of my family and Keith's family would be living near enough to visit. I hate that there in things you can't change in life, like distance. Now I need to quit being a coward and pick up the phone.