About Me

Texas, United States
I am a stay at home Mom from Oregon who has landed in Texas.

Friday, February 1, 2008

Life...Grrr!

Before I even start I will mention a well known (by some) fact about me: I cry a lot. I cry over sad movies, sad books, memories, scary day dreams, deaths, you name it.

Last night I statyed up till about 2 to finish a book that was a little emotional and it had me crying, and for some reason got me to thinking. When did my life become one where my cousins are strangers to me? This crazy group of kids, of which I seemed to have been the annoying baby, was a part of my life at one time, and it makes me sad that I only know bits and pieces of their lives now. Granted this is partly my fault, I could call or extend the invitation to communicate, but, I get scared! It seems too much time has passed.
What is going on with my cousin Jason, the adventurous one that used to sit on my head and force me to watch Nascar? How is Holly who I know is recently married, although I sadly didn't get to go to her wedding. Or Joey (sorry about the mullet pic!) the oldest, how is his life and kids and marriage? And Greg, the smarty pants, my favorite (I feel I am old enough to admit this now!), the Doctor in the Navy(?? even which branch of the military I am not sure of), the one who would play PlayMobil toys with me, last I heard he was overseas, how I am not a part of this anymore?

Even my sister Sarah (this is what kills me most), I haven't met her husband, or seen her precious Kyra (who is going to be NINE!!) in ages. She hasn't gotten to meet my Brady and see what a sweet little guy he is. Sarah is the blood of my blood, we went through tough times together, and she understands why I am the way I am. I have shed so many tears over the memories I wish we could have shared together. I pray often that I will get to live near her, so that we can one day be a part of each others lives. We talk on the phone, but it isn't the same.
It just makes me sad that life changes. We get older and go to school, and have to move. One day we will all be reunited, and we can share our families, and children, and hopefully one day be able to feel a bit of the bond that I know was there when I was a child.

Anyways, last night this all came crashing down on me and I couldn't stop it. It makes me wish I could snap my fingers and all of my family and Keith's family would be living near enough to visit. I hate that there in things you can't change in life, like distance. Now I need to quit being a coward and pick up the phone.

6 comments:

Kelli said...

Yes, do pick up that phone. I know that feeling, but not with cousins. It's with my siblings. There are nine of us, and only a few of us stay in touch. I guess the motto here is "Just do it!"

SarahK said...

Yeah, I know your feeling..my sisters and I keep in touch, but we are all so far away. I can't go see my sister's baby be blessed or see another sister play in a band concert. I have 22 cousins on my dad's side of the family, we all grew up together, just like you and your cousins did...and oh how I miss them and miss being a part of their lives! I'm sure your family misses you too! I hope we can all be close to the ones we love someday!

Jenny said...

I'm not close to my cousins either, and it's always made me sad, too. The little girls that used to spend the night at my house are girls I don't even know anymore. I know that I should, but I just can't call. I feel like things are too past gone. But the good news is, of course, that everyone will be next door neighbors in the next life. All the pains we feel from family separation will be a thing of the past. And we'll be able to love freely without fear. That thought kept me going when I was in Chicago and my family lived here.

Aunt Ruth said...

And you have not even met half of your cousins. On Grandma Rosie's side there are so many that you have not met and some you will never get to meet as they are gone. I live close to a lot of them but I don't get to see them. I have no way of getting to them now that I don't drive anymore. I do wish I had a car. But can't afford insurance, registration or the gas and upkeep anymore.. Next time you are this area we will spend all day driving around to meet your other relatives. They always ask about your Dad, Sarah and you and the kids.

Ashley said...

I echo Kelli. Pick up the phone or an old fashioned letter is always a very welcomed way to keep in touch and people rarely do ot anymore. I miss my siblings as well.

Shannon said...

I do need to write letter, or call! I just get so wrapped up in all the other million things I have to do , and calling is alst on my list! And don't even get me started on my Dad's side of the family! There is so much family that I don't know it kills me! And the crazy thing is they all know me! I am Rosa's grandaughter and Bob's daughter!

Aunt Ruth, you should pass my blog link off to them so they can read about our happenings...