Monday, August 18, 2008
Dirty Laundry
Since this has become a sort of journal for me. I feel the need (sometimes) to get everything out. But, since I am not brave enough I will just ask a question. Do any of you ever go to bed and just feel like a bad mom? Like you screamed too much, or lost your temper to fast? Or just didn't take the time to stop and pull that spare ounce of patience out when it was really needed? Why is being a mom so hard? It is the MOST wonderful thing in the world, but it also brings me so much pain sometimes. When you just don't feel like you are doing it right. And you think you are ruining your kids. And that they will never forgive you. It's just. so. hard.
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16 comments:
Yes, we all have moments like that. Don't think you are alone in this, and don't beat yourself up over this. I recently re-evaluated my parenting style and tried to really look at what react to and what I could maybe let go. I guess in the eternal scheme of things it doesn't matter if Ren uses her spoon to eat her cereal or if she slurps it up like a dog. Although the second still drives me crazy, now I don't say anything and I just let her clean up the mess when she's finished. I'm not this zen about everything, but sometimes it's the baby steps that count. We all have those "I'm a bad mom" moments though, don't be too hard on yourself.
My sister had an experience like this recently and another sister of mine suggested she read the book Love and Logic. It has helped my sister SO much. Our school district actually uses their techniques in the classroom and I'm waiting for my sister to finish it so I can borrow it!
I agree, I think every mom has those moments. And another thought, someday your children will be parents and they will know how hard it is and they will appreciate you and have so much understanding for you. That is how I feel. My parents make so much sense to me now and I recognize the love in all that they did for me. That is the pep talk I give myself on those rough days, someday my kids will understand how much I love them and how hard I tried to be a better person for their sakes.
Your other commentors have said things more elegantly than I could have. So I'll just say that, yes, I feel this way too. And more recently more often than I would like.
OH yes, I'm right with you here! I wouldn't trade it for anything...but it's SO hard! On the other hand, you are probably a better monther than you think you are! Really, all we can do is do the best we can with what we are given...try and make each day better than the one before....and if we have bad days here and there, just breathe and make tomorrow better!
Granted, I'm not a mom yet, but I can imagine what it could be like...and I had a very wonderful mom who also had her moments of yelling, unnecessary punishments and whipping out that wooden spoon so we'd shut up.
Now that I'm all grown up, I like to bring up the story of when I was about 9 and she washed my mouth out with soap because one day I kept saying "butt" instead of "bottom" and she thought it was inappropriate. She'll always say, "I can't believe I did that! How terrible!" But those funny moments really do shape us. I don't look back at that and think, "What a jerk." I look back and think, "She had standards that she wanted us to live up to, and in the end, she had a house full of great girls because of it!"
I can tell from all you do that you are such a loving, hard-working, compassionate and wonderful mother. It's obvious that you're raising two wonderful children, and all you do (and continue to do) is the reason for it.
I'm sure every mom has moments of second-guessing herself. But if you sit back and look at the wonderful family you and your husband have created together, you have to know that you've done something right. :)
Shannon, dear, it's not just moms. Every parent has those momemts. The bad news is: They never go away. Years later you will (I do) remember those times when you feel as if you could have done better; been more patient, been more understanding, said something differently, and on, and on . . . The good news is: Your kids will turn out fine, and you will be proud of their every accomplishment. I know I am very proud of you and Sarah, and what you both have done and will do, despite my shortcomings, real or imagined. Hang in there, kid. Life is good. Love to you all. Dad
Shannon, dear, it's not just moms. Every parent has those momemts. The bad news is: They never go away. Years later you will (I do) remember those times when you feel as if you could have done better; been more patient, been more understanding, said something differently, and on, and on . . . The good news is: Your kids will turn out fine, and you will be proud of their every accomplishment. I know I am very proud of you and Sarah, and what you both have done and will do, despite my shortcomings, real or imagined. Hang in there, kid. Life is good. Love to you all. Dad
Shannon, dear, it's not just moms. Every parent has those momemts. The bad news is: They never go away. Years later you will (I do) remember those times when you feel as if you could have done better; been more patient, been more understanding, said something differently, and on, and on . . . And, even then, it will sometimes weigh heavy on your heart and bring a tear to your eyes. The good news is: Your kids will turn out fine, and you will be proud of their every accomplishment, large or small. I know I am very proud of you and Sarah, and what you both have done and will do, despite my shortcomings, real or imagined, as a parent. Hang in there, kid. Life is good. Love to you all. Dad
Oops! I guess I really, really wanted to that comment to get through.
For some reason, the last one is different.
Awww! all these comments made me cry! Thanks all for kind words and advice! I do know that it will get better, that even tomorrow (or today) will be better, and it is so nice to know that I am not alone, that all parents and children go through these same struggles. I mean if parenting were easy we would all have 500 kids! LOL
And wishcake, our Moms sound exactly alike, I remember the wooden spoon AND the wasing out of my mouth! Oh, how times have changed, and when you look at it that way, how we just laugh at those things (or cringe) but we aren't any worse for them. It is good to keep the whole picture in view, and you know I am learning that kids have the most unconditional love for us. Even when we screw up they still love us. I feel that way for my parents, and I have to have faith that my kids will feel the same way for me!
And Dad, I love you too! And I think you are a great Dad! And you have no idea how it makes me feel when you tell me you are proud of me. It means everything, it really does. (and yeah, that last one is different....spooky!)
Cuz, just so you know, it's just life. Even without kids I have "moments" where I feel like a bad wife or daughter or sister or (enter in title I hold that day). And then there are times when I ROCK! Listen to your Dad, he's a wise one he is :)
Being a mom is hard work. I struggle every day, lose my temper, yell a little too much, get frustrated over silly things, but I look back each night and remember how much I love my kids and how I can do better the next day. It makes me feel so bad to get upset with these sweet little spirits, they do the cutest thinks sometimes and are so sweet, then 2 seconds later are coloring on the walls and themselves or cuting their hair and you just can't get inside their little brains. It's great to know we can start new each day and that they always love me no matter how upset I get.
I'm right there with you:)
Like everyone has said--you are not alone, and the things that seem hard while they are little will seem small when they get bigger.
If my boys and I have had a hard day, I make sure I go in and watch them sleep for awhile at night. It calms me, and reminds me what sweet spirits Heavenly Father has sent me. (And helps to put me in perspective for the next day.)
I waited to post on this because I don't ever know what to say that will really help. But like others have said, we ALL have those days. Honestly, I think there'd be a problem if you didn't. We are all too hard on ourselves, but it's also good to keep ourselves in check sometimes. Call it "quality assurance," I guess. But when you have those days, don't be hard on yourself. Pray and spend some quiet time alone, and then some with the kids.
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