About Me

Texas, United States
I am a stay at home Mom from Oregon who has landed in Texas.

Thursday, July 1, 2010

A few open letters to those on the road.

To the guy holding the cell phone 4 inches away from his ear,

   I don't care what you are doing, you are doing it wrong. If you are on speaker...you don't have to hold your phone like that, SERIOUSLY. That is what speaker is for! If the person on the other end is loud? Turn it down! Either way you look like a douche idiot and I am sick of having to stare at you while following you on the road.

                                  the woman (not so) quietly making fun of how ridiculous you look.


To the girl driving with the earbuds in,

   Pretty sure this is illegal, if not it's very dumb. At least it was back in the day of headphones, and earbuds are even worse (better...at blocking out sound). I want you to be able to hear me when I honk at you because you aren't going at the green light, so kindly take out the ear buds and use the radio.

                                the woman laying on the horn behind you


To the guy tilted back in his seat,

   Pretty sure the fact that you are listening to what sounds like polka music cancels out any street cred you think you may be earning by driving while practically lying down in the front seat of your car. Sit up. And change the channel while you are at it. You look (and sound ) like a fool.

                               the woman wishing for earbuds


To all the various ladies in the giant vehicles,

   If you can't drive it/park it/maneuver it, you don't deserve to have it. You aren't the only person on the road. Get over yourself and your ugly truck. I kind of hate strongly dislike you. Ugg. Oh and if you cut me off one more time, so help me....

                             the woman in the van that she knows how to handle (except for that one time pulling into the


And lastly

To the old person driving 10 miles under the speed limit,

    I am sorry you are old, I really am. I have a soft spot in my heart for you, but honestly...if you can't drive, please don't. Because it is taking all of my willpower not to honk at you and mutter not so nice things under my breath. My kids don't need to hear that. So for their sake, pick up the pace!

                           the woman trying really hard to cut back the (Mormon) swearing


Mrs. L said...

LMAO. Seriously, when I got to the guy listening to Polka Music and losing his street cred I laughed out loud.

Simply Sarah *K* said...

Girly...you are hilarious. I feel the same way about the old people...oh and the rest of it, I'll just admit it now ;).

Lori said...

Take deep, calming breaths. Picture yourself next to a gentle babbling brook, then ram your car into them and laugh as you drive off!

Jenny said...

BWAHAHAHAHAHA, classic Shannon! Love it! Keep 'em comin'!

Amanda @ Serenity Now said...

Can you send that last note to my Nannie, please? ;)

Anonymous said...

Shannon, you reminded me of the van-driving soccer mom with the "Slow Down For Kids' Sake" bumper sticker that was doing close to 80mph in a 60mph zone on one of the local freeways. Love. Dad