As I sit here at the computer, giving my hips a brief rest, and fighting off tears, I realized...I am gonna miss this house. I really am! So much has happened, and so much growth has taken place inside these walls. It was our first house. I clearly remember the excitement of moving out of an apartment to a place with our very own yard! and garage! and 3 bedrooms! and bookcases as far as the eye can see!
It's quiet now. The house is pretty much a shell filled with boxes and furniture. Keith is gone taking a van load of odds and ends to the new place. The kids are both fast asleep, in their naked rooms, ready to wake up early and play at a friends. Not really grasping that this is it. The last night in their special rooms, their first rooms. That the dinner so lovingly prepared by a friend was the last dinner. That tomorrow it will all be gone, whisked away by friends and family off to a new place. With new beginnings.
Natalie told me that she already misses this house, that the new place doesn't feel safe. That it's...different. I told her it would become safe when we are in it. We will make it comfortable and turn into into a HOME and not just an empty shell of a house. But I get exactly what she means. We have a routine here. It's all we've known for 2 years. Pretty much all Brady really knows at all. It will be hard to leave. Harder than I thought it would be.
I know that soon the sad feelings will pass. When the boxes start getting unloaded and the walls filled with pictures. But right now I wonder why, with every new and exciting thing, does there always seem to be a bit of sadness mixed in? I assume part of it is my maternity hormones kicking in to full speed, but I know that a part of it is the moving on. Growing up we moved a lot. A LOT. And every time it was hard. Hard to leave friends, and familiar streets. Hard to meet new people, and be the "new kid" again. I am so grateful, so very very grateful my kids don't have to change schools. That would be too much. I don't know how I ever did that so many times as a child.
I guess this post has no real point. But I want to remember how I felt. That I did love it here. This house was good to me, and good to my family. And now we get to move to a house of our very own, and I hope it will treat us just as well.
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3 comments:
I felt the exact same way when we left our home in Las Vegas. I cried for days about it. It truly is a family that makes a home and you guys are going to be so happy in your new place! Can't wait to see it for reals. Love ya!
Your post had a wonderful point and was beautifully written!
You're right--every new change or step in our lives brings a little sadness with it. Even the pending birth of a child does. Don't you feel a little sad thinking about the fact that soon it's not going to be just your two kids? That soon there will be even one more draw on your time, even though it's a happy and fulfilling one, and one you're extremely grateful for? I'm feeling a little sad that's it's not going to be me and my two boys. I know I'll miss this time.
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