By the way...

Natalie turns FIVE tomorrow! That's crazy! I have been pretty much in denial and ignoring it as much as we can, which is why she isn't getting a birthday party. Well that and we have no money and our apartment is basically turned inside out, and we have no money. Is that bad? No party? I am feeling really guilty about it. I am going to make up for it when Keith is out of town with Brady (for a best friends wedding) by taking her for girly treats (eating out, pedicures, shopping, etc.), but still. I guess it really isn't about the party, it's about celebrating HER, right? *sigh* I can't think about it much more, because the guilt is already very heavy on my shoulders.

What's up

Life has been so much of the same thing lately that I haven't had much to say. Here's the situation with the car. It broke down, Keith changed the spark plugs and it still won't start. We need to get it checked out, but Keith doesn't have time for that, he is studying every spare minute and by the time he isn't studying everything is closed. So it has been frustrating, to say the least.

This means when I was working last week, the kids and I were stuck at home because in order for us to take Keith to school and pick him up, he would have had a shorter study day due to me having to be back by 5 for work. So now that I am off for a few days the kids and I have been taking Keith to school, and we go get him later in the day. It works, but it is a lot of gas, and hard on all of us. Hopefully next week we can figure something out with the trains, or something, and it will save us time and stress. It was hard for us to be stuck at home for so long without a car, and it was hard for Keith because he felt bad that we were stuck at home. ARG!

In between all this pity party we were able to have a nice play date with Kelli and her boys. It was on her birthday so we celebrated with cake (and ghetto lunch, LOL). It was so nice to talk to another adult, and not have it be a rushed 5 minute conversation between feeding the kids, bathing the kids, and putting the kids to bed, like it is with Keith.

This has been the most trying time in our lives for sure. It is too hard to explain why. I mean Keith is home sometimes, it's not like he is gone 24 hours a day, but his mind is SO busy with all these things, and there is just a stress that can't be remedied. All I can say is I am SO ready for March.

Wow, I know this is whiny, but that is why I haven't posted in forever. I am too much of a debbie downer these days. I hate when I get in funks like this. I want to just feel good. I know I have much to be thankful for, the fact that Keith is in the position to be studying for the BAR is wonderful in and of itself. The kids are healthy and strong. We have a clean home and a car that works. I have a job that allows us to have food on the table. We have supportive friends and family, near and far. So many things to be grateful for, but sometimes it gets to be too much and all you want to do is break down and cry for a bit. Sometimes the only remedy is a good cry!

frack

it's not the spark plugs. this may be the end for the teal 90's pickup. it was free. it was loved. it was good to us while it lasted.

but now we have one car. sweet.

Double Ugg

1. Keith's truck broke down. Thank GOODNESS it was still in the parking lot at school, so I could just go get him, and he wasn't stuck on the side of 30 somewhere. But, seriously! Keith isn't working right now, I only work part time, we have no money for this crud! Thankfully our insurance will cover the cost of the tow truck to bring it home. Now we just pray that it is only spark plugs and Keith can fix it, because if it is anything much more than that, the truck is totalled, we are not paying 2 grand for repairs on that old thing. And right now we can NOT afford to be down to one car. So we are praying he can fix it or for at least the rest of February the kids and I are stuck at home, at least on the days I work, so Nat will miss out on preschool. Yeah, I don't want to be the one to tell her that lovely bit of information. Let's hope I am overreacting and it is all better come Monday night.

2. I HATE promotions! I am losing my boss at work (or my manager, I don't know what to call her really) and it seriously stinks! She is moving to up the corporate ladder to lead over a whole separate part of our work flow that the rest of us really don't deal with at all. The best part of my job (other than getting to work at home in my jammies) is the instant message chat we have. It keeps me company. Anywho, with this promotion my boss lady won't be in our chat room anymore, we basically won't see (hear) her or deal with her anymore, and we will miss her dearly. I have gotten to know her pretty well these last months, and it just stinks! She helps make work fun. Weird how attached you can get to people you have NEVER MET!

Comedy of Errors

You ever have one of those days where seriously everything that could go wrong does? Do they also make you want to shoot yourself in the foot like they do to me? Today was one of those rare days where I was grateful that I am able to come into my "office", shut the door, and just be done with the whole mess. I told Keith that family home evening needs to be FUN today, to make up for all the NOT FUN of today!

I'm not even going to go into major detail. But, let me say that if there was a glass to be spilled, it spilled, if there was a rule to be broken, it was broken, if there was a toy to snatch, it was snatched. I think you get the idea. I suppose days like this make us appreciate the good ones, but HOLY COW, work better be smooth!

Keith said he was going to do puppet show for the kids, so that will help them to calm down a bit, and maybe listen (for once!!). I love my kids more than anything, but they are still kids, and they have to let out all there rebellious energy every once in awhile, I just wish it wasn't all on the same day!

I need a Diet Dr. Pepper.

Blog Fast

I don't know if you've noticed, but I have been kind of avoiding posting here. It has gotten to the point where I was afraid to post what I wanted for fear of...well, actually I don't know. Probably being judged for being too whiney, or complainy, or happy, or excited-y (yes, I wrote it, because I can).

But, this morning I realized that this is my blog. And I write about my life. The ups the downs and all the crazy inbetweens. And since most of you don't comment on my blog (which is cool, don't get me wrong. I like comments, but when I get less each one matters more), I am going to write about whatever I want. No fear of negative or mean comments! Not that any of it is that scandalous, but I just started feeling slightly censored, and I don't want that. I know that a lot of my family silently (and not so silently) read my blog (hello all you loving family members) and I have been feeling guilty about not keeping them updated, because I am sure they have become dependant on this blog (like I have) to keep track of us Bowers everyday lives.

So anyway, blog fast over. Starting now. I don't have much to post yet, but I will. I pinky promise.

P.S. Don't judge me for this post because that is EXACTLY what I am talking about. So stop it right now. I can feel you wanting to judge me.

Wo wo wo is me.

I have been really "home" sick for my parents and sisters and Mindi lately, and I wish I was rich so I could travel and visit them whenever I want. I want my kids to know their cousins. I want my husband to be able to fish with his brothers. I want family dinners on Sunday night. I want sleepovers with chick flicks! I do love it here, and we have made some good friends, great friends even, but it is so hard. I feel like if I just stopped appearing (at church, on the blog, anywhere) no one would even really notice. Nothing is ever the same as people that have known you your whole life, or even who have known you BEFORE you were a Mrs. No matter how hard I try to be a good friend I still feel like a rejected 15 year old. It makes me sick to my stomach.

It is so hard to get to know people as you get older, the freeness of childhood is a bit lost, and though I have never been good at hiding my true feelings or opinions, it is still scary to just let go and be yourself there is always that fear of being judged. I think Keith and I and the kids need a vacation.

*sniffle*

Natalie came home from school with a little paper announcing Grandparents Day on October 23rd. The Grandparents are invitied to come for an hour, make a craft and have a snack. That STINKS. She also added that parents can come, but still, it isn't the same. I hate living away from family. I mean Natalie has 8, yes EIGHT grandparents and none live close and NONE will be there. STINKS.

Lists

Things I should have done today:
1. Grocery shopping
2. Finished the laundry
3. Vacuumed
4. Cleaned the bathroom
5. Sat down with the kids and had quality learning/crafting time


Things I did instead:
1. Crafted on Quiet books with my friend Betsy
2. Took a nap with Brady
3. Let the kids watch two movies
4. Cried a bit over my 40 hour work week
5. Made a chocolate cake

What are we doing wrong?!?

Why won't my kids go to bed before 9 o'clock (and sometimes 10) without a fight? I think we need a REAL schedule, a solid routine that we do every night. What works for you? I am sick and tired of these kids being so sleep deprived during the day, it makes them almost unbearable! I just want them to sleep! They need it so badly! They are almost like strangers now sometimes because of the behavior that they do during the day, and I know it is just horrible, but MAN! I just want them to quit it! Just stop for once, just stinkin GO TO BED without us having to make you run laps or play hard at a friends till 10 at night (thanks again Sarah!!). Just stinkin go to bed! ARG!

Dirty Laundry

Since this has become a sort of journal for me. I feel the need (sometimes) to get everything out. But, since I am not brave enough I will just ask a question. Do any of you ever go to bed and just feel like a bad mom? Like you screamed too much, or lost your temper to fast? Or just didn't take the time to stop and pull that spare ounce of patience out when it was really needed? Why is being a mom so hard? It is the MOST wonderful thing in the world, but it also brings me so much pain sometimes. When you just don't feel like you are doing it right. And you think you are ruining your kids. And that they will never forgive you. It's just. so. hard.

Doesn't hurt to ask

Wow! These are things you learn as you get older. We just got our kWh rate on our electricity lowered from .188 to .135. Yeah, that is a HUGE difference. If we would have had that rate on our last bill it would have been 190 instead of 275. Yeah, that is pretty much a HUGE kick in the pants. You live and learn I suppose. But, dang!!! How much money have we just been throwing down the drain. I don't want to think about it, it makes me literally sick to my stomach.

Great

My kids are sick. Natalie has thrown up 5 times already. Luckily Brady has only had one episode of diarrhea. Please pray for no vomiting from the 2 year old that has no concept of making it in a bowl. Please pray that Keith and I don't get it. Please pray that it isn't anything viral or transmittable, I don't want us to be the starter family of the next flu epidemic! Oh geesh, life is never boring, is it?

EEEWWWW

Shannon's Thought of the Day: Don't forget to write it down if you offer to cover someones shift at work.


Working is not fun, when you THOUGHT you had the night off. Just saying.

Arg!

I HATE littering! It has got to be one of my biggest pet peeves, seriously. I am sitting here at my desk looking out the window and I see a lady sitting in her car in the middle of the road/drive thing, and what does she do? She straight up throws her empty matchbook IN. TO. THE. STREET! Are you kidding me?!?! Now I have a serious problem with this!! Why do people not understand that if you toss garbage outside, NO ONE is going to pick it up! Put a fricken trash bag in your car and USE IT! Also, cigarette butts are TRASH! You can't just toss them around like birdseed, they DON'T just disappear! Care about the Earth people, it's the only one we have! I am THIS close to marching out there and picking up her trash, while she is still sitting there!

Oh what a day!

Well, the day started out peaceful enough, but then it turned into a day I don't ever want to forget solely based on the fact that it. was. AWFUL. So here it is, in all its horrible glory for me to remember never to let a day like this happen again. You can't judge me, because you KNOW you have had days like this too!

Today was to be my last night of my 7 day shift at work, so normally by the end of the week I am pretty tired, and when I say tired I mean grouchy. So this morning I was begging the kids to just sit quietly and watch Clifford so that I could nap for 30 minutes on the couch until the show was over. Now on any other day, they would do this for me, I don't know how, I guess I am just lucky, but NOT today! Not on the one day when I can feel the Monster Momma trying to break out, and I know that all I need to lock her inside is a quick little nap. Bleh! That is how it all started, it was down hill from there. For some reason Brady decided he wasn't going to listen today, and that it was his mission to pester Natalie so much as to make up for all the other good days when he left her alone. Needless to say the morning opened with a lot of pointless yelling, crying, and general whining from all 3 of us. So to make up for it I dragged the kids with me to Wal Mart (woo hoo) to finish up my grocery shopping. I knew this would only be a bearable trip if I promised a special lunch when we got home. So with the cart loaded with Oscar Mayer cheese dogs, Little Debbie strawberry shortcake rolls, and Mac & Cheese Pringles we were back on our way home after a surprisingly nice trip to the store, heading to what I was hoping would be a surprisingly nice afternoon. That was where logic failed me!

After the kids scarfed down their lunch I though Hooray! time for naps. This will be easy, we do this every day. Haha hee hee ho ho ha. No. The kids were in their beds at 2, and for the next hour I went in their no less than 5 times to pull Brady off the bookshelf, or clean out his bed of the toys he had gathered, or just plain telling him to shut it. Most of these times I held myself together, but in the essence of honesty I will say I lost it once (only once) during the full hour. So finally at 3 I left the room for the last time (I thought) and headed back to the sanctity of my bed (ah, blissful sleep! so close, yet so very, very far) to lie down. Now on a side note I will say that I am not a person that can run on little to no sleep, I have lowish iron so I get tired anyways (because I never take my pills, that I am not so sure actually help anyway), but after a week of erratic napping I was pretty much at my limit and NEEDED that bed to take care of me. BUT, right after I began to dose I got a phone call, and then after the call was over I heard something, I wasn't sure what it was, but I heard something. So I sneak into the dining room to listen at the kids door and sure enough, an hour and a half after I put him to bed (and I KNOW he was tired when I put him down, because he was rubbing his eyes, and SAYING sleepy!) Brady was still playing! This is after multiple pops on the butt, after mommy laying down in his bed and singing him sweet songs, after too much yelling on my part, after crying on his part, the kid was STILL awake. So I throw open the door (which always scares them, and I find this mildly funny, because they KNOW they are in trouble) and march in there to see what the heck he is doing. Do you want to know what he was doing?? He was playing trains! He had all of his metal (cuddly, no?) trains in bed with him, well except for the five or so that he had lovingly placed on Natalie's sleeping body (nice). Oh this boy, I love him so, but still! Why today?? When I most need a nap, and the beast is awakened, and my patience is shot, and I JUST. WANT. TO. SLEEP!

So, after that last bought of crazy (they both went to sleep after that! Hallelujah!), I went to call Keith to just cry a little, tell him I was losing it and obviously either sleep deprived or crazy, and have a little sympathy tossed my way. Luckily by this time he was close to being on his way home, and that meant close to being there to relieve me! There were other little things throughout the day that added to the drama, Brady's diaper leaking on MY bed, Natalie ripping a brand new book because she didn't wait for me to help her (that was not a good thing), the kitchen light burning out, the old sippies found under the couch with MILK (or what used to be milk) in them,, ick! There were good points to the day though! I will list them here so that I don't forget that with every bad day there is always something good too!

1. I am starting to work on a new rotation at work so that means transitioning from one set of 7 on, 7 off days to another. And THAT means that I have tonight off (which I should have been working) and tomorrow off. Then after a bit of a crazy work week this week I have a full week off next week!

2. We did have a fun time at the grocery store picking out fun foods for lunch, looking at all the people, and just enjoying being out of the house.

3. Lunch too was nice, the kids ate good, we all talked and played, and it was a very nice half hour in the middle of an other wise loony toons day.

4. I had a blissful hour and a half (or so) to myself when Keith went with Bryce to Sam's club AND he took the kids (which he said were monkeys, surprise, surprise, but at least HE was dealing with them, not ME).

5. We had a nice unexpected visit from Keith's Aunt Annette and his cousin April (whom I had not yet gotten to meet) tonight, and it was very fun! The kids loved April right away and we all sat and chatted in the kids room, while the kids showed off all their toys. Relaxing and nice.

6. My kids love me, this is the most important! Even when I lose it and get all "Rawr" as Natalie said today, they still love me and I love them. And at the end of the day we can put it all behind us with a few prayers and promises of a brand new day in the morning.

Days like this need to happen every once in awhile I think to remind us of how to behave. When I have a day like this it is a nice kick in the pants for me to get my rear and gear and work on being a happier Mommy EVEN if I am tired, exhausted, and otherwise beat down (as Sarah said, I am a total lightweight!). I still need to be nice.


A few moments of peace this morning, playing with the infamous trains. I love when kids lay and play like this. Brady kept kicking his legs up, but I just couldn't capture it on camera. Natalie was being a doll. Poor thing got the short end of the stick today.
KKeith, April, Annette, and the kids. They had so much fun showing April all their toys. Natalie LOVES "big girls" so she was in heaven!
Brady took to April very fast. He was really hamming it up looking all cute and innocent in his jeans and no shirt. Under that sweet exterior though...today he was a little booger. For reals.

Bleh

Just bleh.

Update and a funny

I realized this past week that my days have become very routine when I work, not much going on. So that equals not much to post about. The kids and I enjoy various ways of killing the morning by either taking Natalie to school, going to the library, window shopping, etc. Then we come home, eat, nap, and I am off to work.

This weekend my Dad is coming to visit...Yay! And so we should have some great pictures to post, and hopefully the weather will clear up a bit so we can do some fun stuff.

Until then I have a gem of a video that I actually caught on T.V. last night during my late break. I don't normally flip on the tube, but I was getting really frustrated at work and just wanted to find something funny...and boy did I! *warning* this clip has questionable content, but it was on Leno, so nothing R rated. If you watch it and find it distasteful, and you will, don't judge me... but I was rolling around laughing last night, it was exactly what the Dr ordered. I mean it, don't watch if you don't want to possibly be offended...that is my disclaimer right there.

ARG!

I have so many pictures to post, and of course the ONE DAY that I finally have time to sit down at the picture computer, the Internet explorer decides not to work on it! AND when I try to restart it, it freezes...fabulous. SO, when I finally get another chance you will all be able to see what we did to Natalie's hair, and some pictures from her birthday party, AND the long awaited birthday post for her (I know, I am a procrastinator, so sue me!). Oh, yeah and a pretty funny picture of Brady that I got at lunch today...

Blahdy blahdy blah

Ick. I was so excited for Natalie to have a week off from preschool this week...why?? We are so bored and it's only Monday! We didn't go out today for fear of getting caught in the "rain" that was supposed to happen today, and tomorrow the forecast predicts more of the same! The one thing that drives me nuts is being holed up in the house all day, and for some reason this town doesn't have any fun indoor things to do with kids, and I don't really feel like driving forever just to make my way through some strange big city to go somewhere that could potentially suck, and cost too much money. These are the days when I wish I was in beautiful Oregon. On a day like this we could go to OMSI (here): the funnest place ever (we went to the Fort Worth museum thinking it would be a bit like OMSI, nothing compares), the Portland Children's Museum (here): can you say awesome childhood memories??, the beach which is a little far, 2 hours, but so worth the trip, and such a good way to kill a day (here, here, or here) or even visit any number of different family members (can you say COUSINS!!! [here]) and plenty of other places, but those are the ones that were in my dreams today! Ahh, I need ideas! What to do on a gloomy day to keep these kiddos entertained? We just can't hack another trip to Target(or my wallet just can't hack another trip)! And I don't feel like driving a million miles just to go to another indoor playground thingy (why doesn't this city have one of it's own I ask you?? WHY??). So, anyone want to play?